C’mon Everybody, let’s throw out the script!

RTE TelethonWell it’s a bit of a hangover from Friday night’s People in Need Telethon but the nightmare of Bernard Dunne playing strip poker is still clear in the mind of Waffler. He still shudders at the thought of the boxer stripping down to his underwear. It was that sort of night on Friday where as time went on you got the feeling the script was essentially thrown out the window; a bit like when the boss leaves work to go home and those left just mess and doss for the rest of the time they’re open. I tuned in at around 12.30 am to find Charlie Bird ‘doing’ Anonymous with Jason Byrne and have to admit that getting Waffler’s mate Michael D. Higgins to say ‘fuck’ on television was worth the €7.5 million that the country raised for good causes. We need the video damnit!

Anyway, at that stage Tubridy was getting tired, the audience distressed and as we already know the ‘Celebrity Poker’ descended into something far more dangerous for RTÉ. You knew the people at home were getting the gist of the night when a caller offered €1,500 to have the belt that was keeping Tubridy’s jeans up. But the most hilarious effort came from a bloke who rang the call centre offering €1,500 if Lucy Kennedy would go on a lunch date with him, probably cos he saw her in that ad. “I’m worth more than that,” shouted Lucy. “How much?” “At least five grand!” Ouch! As the crowd gasped in amazement at Lucy setting out her stall, she retorted “I’m engaged for God’s sake!” Waffler doesn’t remember if the offer of Lucy at five grand with Apprentice runner-up Kristina Grimes actually went in the end!

But what about the fate of the eBay auction which had caught our eye earlier in the week? Well two signed Simpsons scripts from Mike Scully and Dan Greaney went for €5,000 and €4,200 respectively. There were 13 Natasha Bedingfield fans in Ireland who were battling for the signed CD and it went for €300 in the end, while the paragliding lesson went for a remarkably low €215. As for the VIP Panto tickets (you get to meet Alan Hughes and Linda Martin, wow!), they achieved a modest €305. Paragliding or meeting Alan Hughes – which would you prefer?

Despite the debate about what constitutes a ‘year’s supply of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream’ (it’s two 500ml tubs per month according to the skinny, health conscious people at Ben & Jerry’s), it still attracted 59 bids and finished up at €610 which, when you think about it, is probably still cheaper than buying 24 tubs of Ben & Jerry’s in a Dublin supermarket…

And the piece de resistence of the People in Need and the one that achieved more talk than any other was of course, that painting by everyone’s favourite marketing tool Glenda Gilson. Words fail me on this one. Real Artist Kevin Sharkey achieved the highest bids of the night with his original painting which reached over €26,000. Glenda, it seems, is about half of the artist Kevin is. Her landscape achieved a whopping €10,100. Glenda, think carefully about how you make your money.

Waffler was extremely disappointed with the response to the offer of 300 bags of ‘RTÉ Canteen Special Edition Compost’. Yes despite the fact that you could have got the remances of Derek Davis’ dinner plate (or maybe because of that) there were no bids on the 300 bags. Boo.

Still, Friday could have been worse, we only had Tubridy and Ní Chofaigh for 7 hours. People still have nightmares about this:

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~ by waffler on October 29, 2007.

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