Pub crisis solution found: take clothes off

BarmaidIt’s been a couple of months/years/decades that we’ve been told that the pub culture in Ireland is on a downward spiral. This year, the moaning from publicans is on the up though. Smoking bans, cheap off licence booze, a garda clampdown on drink driving and suddenly the world is against them. There are certain occupations you simply don’t ask ‘how’s business?’ Bed and Breakfast owners are one; small newsagent owners another. Above all, never ask a rural publican ‘how’s business?’ You may need a stiff drink after they tell you how awful the whole business is, how there simply is no customers to keep them afloat and how their life is bordering on miserable because the ‘government’ are hanging them out to dry.

But genius publicans are coming up with new and novel ideas of how to win back all those customers they’ve lost. At first the ‘European style’ bar was flogged. Pubs with nothing else for miles around began placing patio heaters, windbreakers, chrome tables and chairs outside the front door. Yes, you can smoke AND have a drink. Incredible! Then came the ‘beer garden’, where pubs who didn’t know any better began to use the back yard (formerly used to keep the guard dogs) as a new and exciting area to have their pint. Men could lean on the empty crates and rest their pints on the barrels. A certain lack of greenery seemed not to hinder them. Sure who needs a couple of fuschias when you can have grey walls and can of petrol?

John Joe from IndoFor the first time though, a publican in Limerick has gone one step further and begun employing Jasmin, a ’26 or 27-year old’ girl who every Thursday night brings her own unique ‘entertainment’ to the local. Forget Irish traditional music nights and maybe the odd poker night because publican John Joe Fitzpatrick has a solution to the pub crisis: topless barmaids.

‘We have a barmaid there and she dresses kind of trendy, and she goes topless as the night goes on. Sometimes she wears a nurses’ outfit. She has lumps and bumps in the right place.’

So a woman who has ‘lumps and bumps in the right place’ may well be the saviour of the Irish pub industry. Hey, so what if Stringfellow’s on Parnell Street didn’t work out, John Joe knows these things have to start small. Maybe he’ll increase Jasmin’s workload to more than just a night a week. After the publicity Browne’s Bar in Montpelier has been getting this past week, perhaps John Joe will someday rival Stringfellow himself. All he needs now is the right look.

He talks the talk, though. As you can imagine, some locals haven’t taken too kindly to this type of ‘smut’ going on in a rural Limerick village. But John Joe knows the locals, and the locals have taken to Jasmin.

‘There are plenty of women down here on Thursdays though, and all have said they admired Jasmin for her work. Even some of the older women encourage and bring their husbands here as they are more full of beans and romantic towards their wives when they return home.’

Too. Much. Information.

More :: ‘Topless barmaid has them downing pints’: Irish Independent
More :: Listen to an interview with John Joe on Gerry Ryan with Podge and Rodge (Go to 2hrs 53mins): RTÉ 2fm

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~ by waffler on October 10, 2007.

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