Best. Publicity. Machine. Ever.

GerrardWaffler knows when he sees a good piece of public relations at work. The usual favourite is sports stars who are ‘down with the kids’, visiting them in hospital, running around with them at some McDonald’s-sponsored healthy eating promotion, and the like.

But the news tonight that Steven Gerrard has run over a 10-year old boy in a Liverpool suburb has brought his own publicity machine into overdrive. Chances are, Stevie G was in some sort of 4×4 (like his old one, see) when the poor wee lad was knocked down by the footballer as he played a bit of footie on the street. The boy has a broken leg. No footie for a while, so. But you want a publicity machine? You want Stevie G’s spokesperson! From

The car was travelling along Grantham Road in Birkdale, Merseyside when the incident happened at 3.15pm.

The spokesman for the midfielder said: “Steven was driving very slowly through an area of Birkdale when a young boy ran out and hit the side of his car. Steven comforted the boy until the paramedics arrived.

“There were apparently several eye-witnesses who saw the accident.

“Steven later attended a police station where he produced his driving documents as a matter of routine and made a statement about the accident.

“The Liverpool captain was distressed over the accident and has been in contact with the boy’s family to check his progress and plans to visit him in the next couple of days.”

Waffler fully expects the poor kid to be hounded by Stevie and all bets are off the wee lad becoming a Liverpool mascot for a match before the end of the season. Nevertheless the statement is astounding. If ITV don’t make a drama out of this I don’t know what the world is coming to.

All Stevie was doing was ‘driving slowly’ through the part of Merseyside. Gerrard, with his full attention on the road hits the brakes as he sees the boy dart from the parked cars. Thud! The boy hits the now stationary car. Stevie, in shock at hitting the boy, jumps out of his Daewoo Matiz crying, sobbing, squealing ‘Nooooooooooo’ as he places the lifeless boy into his arms. He cries for help from those staring at the drab footballer as he consoles the child. In his wisdom, Stevie then remembers his first aid course he did at the age of six. Remarkably, he has ice, sterile dressings and one crutch in his Daewoo Matiz, thus saving the boy from further turmoil.

He pleads his innocence with the Merseyside police. But it is only when he sobs that he’ll miss the Champions League game on Wednesday that the policemen believe he has suffered enough…

Jaysus, I should be his publicity machine…


~ by waffler on October 1, 2007.

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